The World Continues To Dissolve...

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 23:47:48 GMT

Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.

I've grown to see the philosophy of my own mistrust,
We all have our faults, mine come in waves that you turn to rust,
Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.

I've been hanging onto something,
You keep laughing awe-inspiring.

Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.
Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.

My wandering soul found solace at last,
I wanted to know how long it would last.

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 04:11:53 GMT

House MD cast and crew : Please do the right thing and don't follow the media norm. The hetero story has been told a trillion times over. Let's have a little House/Wilson romantic (and hot & steamy) love. There is more chemistry between them than any other pair on TV. Please, represent the barely spoken for.

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:02:54 GMT

It's depressing how many brilliant shows have been destroyed because the company that owns them tries to fit them into the mold... M.A.N.T.I.S is one of those shows... A DISABLED, INTELLIGENT, LEAD ROLE BLACK MAN - SUPERHERO - Unheard of. Why? Because FOX crushed the soul right out of it. Just the few episodes I saw at the age of 9 stuck with me all these years - THAT was how potent it was, how inspiring. And then to see it on Hulu - Seeing it again makes me happy again, reminds me that the networks may have buried it alive, but the fans dug it up, kept it alive. Just like so many other amazing shows that were ahead of their time. Too smart and heart felt for the fake ass networks. Brimstone. G vs E. Brisco County Jr. SeaQuest DSV. Martial Law. Dead Like Me. 7 Days. Roar. Firefly. Space Cases. Star Trek. X Files. Farscape. All started out free, intelligent, open-minded, unusual - and all were retooled and rewritten until the people touched by them no longer cared to watch anymore. I see this happening in TV even now - CSI's crashed, as well as House, Stargate, LOST. I just hope one day the producers will have a safe haven where they can produce these shows without tampering, dumbing down, shredding. Who knows, maybe someone will have the balls to do it. We can hope.

Bad Day

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:58:18 GMT

Had a really bad day today. It seems like everything just piles up til it overflows and hits me all at once. As soon as I start to depend on someone, let someone get close to me they find some fault, get tired of me and BAM gone. There's always someone better than me, and before I know it I'm alone in the dark again. I don't know why I bother, I really don't.

OMFG BORDERLANDS FTW

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 07:23:07 GMT

Just... WOW. I finally sat down and played through some of Borderlands ... And I love Mordecai.
Sniping was never so fun LOL His character is vibrant and interesting without even trying. I don't know how, and I don't question it. I just hope something's revealed already, cause I'm crazy curious. I <33333 (playing) MORDECAI.
(Yay for atypical male protagonists!)

If you can, play this game. It's challenging without being frustrating, it never gets old. Just when you think you've seen it all... There are so many things that the game reminds me of... Diablo, Cowboy Bebop, Gorillaz, Mad Max, Pitch Black, Halo... Augh, now I have to go sleep so I can get up soon and play more!!111

Petty Time

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 07:12:44 GMT

Happy Birthday Tom!!! <333 Thanks for all the great music :D

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:31:16 GMT

Happy Birthday Chris!

I miss seeing you every week. You're one of the most fantastic actors I've ever watched :) You brought a lot of joy to mine and my family's lives! You Rock. <3

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:17:03 GMT

It's funny how you can lose everything you need to stay sane in life in one fell swoop - and yet somehow you manage to convince yourself it's ok... And then all it takes is one tiny realization to fuck it all up again.

Apparently because I put up a front of being unemotional and aloof people think I am. Instead I feel too much, and at times it's overwhelming. I can understand how that would make people uncomfortable, but as friends aren't we all supposed to suck it up and offer our shoulder? Pry? Show that it's ok to feel bad sometimes and that reaching out, sharing it is alright and won't be rejected?

All I ever seem to get is an awkward smile, a pat on the head and an apology. Maybe I ask too much, but honesty, communication and affection are the things I need to be happy. So far I've been denied pretty much all of it by the people closest to me and I'm left wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong. Why is it so hard to just be there? If something is holding you back from being someones friend 100% why the hell don't you say so? Work it out? Why would you want to leave someone you're supposed to care about feeling like shit? I might have annoyed people with my forceful attempts at being there for an upset friend, but at least I tried to make things better. I feel like I'm not worth any ones time and so few people care to change my mind it makes me consider things I'd previously dismiss without a blink. Maybe I am a waste of space but I try hard to be a better person. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough.

A terribly true statement

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 18:11:26 GMT

I find this to be all too true too often.

It's your Birthday

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 00:14:41 GMT

Welcome back Hockey season, and happy birthday to John, Sean and Hank.

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:21:58 GMT

I don't want to hear
Another word from you now
I'd rather be wrong
Life is mostly what
You don't see anyway
So just look away
But our shadows
Never leave us alone
Down the bad roads
They will follow us
Faithfully home

You launched the assualt
With the first cannonball
My soldiers were sleeping
I know that you thought
It would never come down,
Down to the wire
It's friendly fire

In your room filled with the things
That you've never done
Does anyone really care
Your shadow
Just wont leave you alone
'cos he knows well
He knows what you've done

You launched the assualt
With the first cannonball
My soldiers were sleeping
I know that you thought
It could never come down,
Down to the wire
It's friendly fire

Waves don't wonder
When you're drowning
Under the sea
So don't look for me
Find her keep her lose her
Deserts you in the end
You were my friend
Like your shadow
No one knows you as well
As I do

You launched the assualt
With the first cannonball
My soldiers were sleeping
I know that you thought
It would never come down,
Down to the ground
'cos I was so tired
Then I'll get down
Down to the wire
It's friendly fire

An old Favorite of mine

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:08:46 GMT

Just an observation regarding Stargate SG1 (the only one worth mentioning)... I think Something happened between Jack and Daniel after the Season 4 premiere... The explosive change in Jack's attitude towards Daniel is impossible to miss. Never before had Jack attacked him so brutally, so senselessly. Before he was always open to Daniel's opinions, as any good friend is. In my Opinion he is acting like someone that has realized something about himself that he can't yet deal with and so is attacking the reason for it. His attraction to Daniel maybe? Perhaps things went a little further than he was ready for and he is lashing out, or maybe he simply can't believe his own desires. Whatever the reason, I am continually surprised at his horrid treatment of someone he cares for deeply, and the only thing that makes sense is that he has an attraction he cannot yet admit.

On a similar note, I DETEST Sam's new attitude. Her blatant gushing over her lose friend and CO (Jack) makes me SICK. For once I thought a show might be intelligent enough to show that women can work with men without becoming obsessed with them. Instead Intelligent, Brave, Non-Stereotypical Sam turns into Needy, Gushy, Embarrassing Samantha. So much for the perfect team... Her obvious attraction made me embarrassed to be female - since every show out there seems to think that's all women are good for or interested in (girly girl romance in their entertainment). I actually enjoyed having a Smart, Independent, Strong female lead that didn't have a girl-fest relationship episode every week. Well they smashed that to all hell. And then they brought in Vala which pissed me off even more. So much for thinking out of the box. (Hints of Jack and Daniel always interested me more anyway, but apparently open thinking's too much to ask from entertainers. And the new Stargate looks to be more of the same. And I am not impressed by a lesbian team member.Easy street for the writers. Fan-boys dream come true and the real controversy is yet again ignored. )

Goodbye Dream of an Equal Future for All -

Women will always be the lesser Sex.

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:17:22 GMT

In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it’s like when you’re shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying: "My God, that’s tough
She's stood him up"
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to well wouldn’t do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed

Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts
broken in the world that can’t be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again, naturally

Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day

Alone again, naturally

Alone again, naturally

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 08:45:08 GMT

I need to write this because I need to.

I loved you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life - I didn't know I could feel so sure of myself, so much better about who I was until I saw you - got to know you -was with you. I have never felt so content just to be near someone, so in awe and warm and just happy like nothing could ever hurt me...

And now I feel like at any moment I could just give up, just die where I sit. I have never felt such bone deep agony, such soul shattering loss. You were my world, my reason for resisting the constant stress of my living situation, trapped in a tiny room, alone for weeks on end unless someone had time or pity to visit me. You kept me somewhat sane, you made me happy when I was sure I couldn't be... And if I never told you so, or made you feel that I took you for granted, I'm sorry.

No one will ever touch me as deeply as you did, and I already know I will never be the same, never be able to trust anyone as completely as I did you. After everyone else that had hollowed me out, took from me everything they could, you put me back together, made me think I could trust again and I'm sorry I never told you this.

My heart is broken - and I never understood just how truly horrific it could be, there aren't words to describe the emptiness, the hollow aching hole in my chest. They're just words until you've felt it, and then it takes on a whole new meaning, a numbness that won't leave - no matter where you are, or what you're doing.

As much as I want to leave things be and remember the good times... Everywhere I look are memories of you and how happy you made me, how much fun I thought we were having. But I guess you felt differently, you couldn't trust that I meant what I said, that I meant anything at all.

But I did. And every day for the rest of my life I'll see you in my mind, recall the friendship and love you gave me, the many times I needed someone to tell me not to go, that I was needed here, that I would indeed be more than a passing memory if I gave in and ended my life.

Now I just don't know what anything was. I don't know what was meant and what wasn't... But in my mind we never stopped being friends. I was willing to fight with you, to keep you on the phone when you needed to talk, even if you didn't think you needed to... To give you my honest opinion, because I know how much you hate bullshit... to fight on your behalf, speak up for you when you were being treated wrongly... to share freely everything I had to give from my late grandpa's photo bag to my last cent... to give you a place where you were the center of attention, where you could say what you wanted and do what you wanted without having to worry about anything.

And I want you to know, no matter what you think of me, no matter what happens to any of us, I love you, and I will always be here for you if you ever need anything -be it months, years, or decades from now - because you saved my life more times than I can count, and made my life better just for knowing you.

I say this from the bottom of my heart and soul, I can never thank you enough for letting me be a part of your life, even for a little while. I love you with all my being, and always will. And that goes for you too 'Bren'. <333

Ever humbled and in your debt,
Krys

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:46:35 GMT

My heart is hurting beyond words

The pain is tearing up my soul

These days have seen my spirit die

My life propelled out of control

My wounds lie naked to the world

My depth of suffering exposed

This damaged past can never heal

Until this nightmare book is closed

My heart is hurting beyond words

The pain is tearing up my soul

Please tell me how can I retrieve

The life that all this sadness stole

Because of you this happened

Because you had to carry put your vengeful little plan

It's you who should feel guilty

Because of you my child is dead

His blood is on your hands

If only you had never brought me there

If only you had done what you were told

It's you who's to be blamed

And you should be ashamed

It's your fault

No, it's yours

How could you?

How could you?

I never dreamed that we'd be distanced by a hate

That all the trust we had would go

How could I hate you

How could it come to pass?

This awful twist of fate

How could I hurt you

This madness can't be so

I can't believe it

I never dreamed that any barriers could rise

Or that I'd ever see the stranger in your eyes

Our hearts were hurting both the same

The hurt was tearing up our souls

The fury in us made us blind

We could not see beyond the pain

If we can turn again to love

If we can heal these open wounds

We'll leave this hatred far behind

So not a trace of hate remains

We'll overcome our damaged past

And we'll grow stronger side by side

To stand together through the storms

We're safe ‘cause love will be our guide

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 30 May 2009 04:33:23 GMT

I can't take their pressure
No one cares if you live or die
They just want me gone
They want me gone

A Post-like Thing

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 06:59:28 GMT

Thinking about posting here again. Previously reading LJ was bad for me, only made me feel lonely and crap but hey, being left out's seemingly worse so... Lemme back in ho. XD

Marilyn Manson and Ninja Turtles

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:56:17 GMT

So, on our way to see Marilyn Manson some guy stumbled out of his car at a stop light and started doing Kung Fu moves at us... then he flicked us off and jumped back into his car to speed away LOL Unfortunately we didn't have the Flip video ready, so we didn't catch this event on film... Yes, it is very sad. At the concert some guy that had dyed his hair/beard red and wrote "Call me Captain Red Beard" on his back stopped me and drunkenly rambled about how awesome my Beatles shirt was... I did my best not to piss him off and he eventually wandered off... The Concert itself was awesome, and unlike my NIN experience there was no moshing (thank god), no crack pipe smoking psychos, no drunken fights or beer throwing. It was nice, I was actually able to enjoy the music/show. Man, Mare really had it goin on. Like, hotness galore. Pole dancing on a giant chair - priceless. I just wish we'd had the camera... Mmmm... Oh well. Overall, great experience.

TMNT! I was siftin through movie links and found the new Turtle movie... As I missed it in theatres I was giddy and started watching it - it made me realize I really really miss those old movies/cartoons. The new ones just don't cut it. They did a great job trying to recreate the personalities and voices, it's just too cool. Now, If only I had the money to buy the damned thing... For that matter I wouldn't mind having Princess of Power, Fraggle Rock, He-Man, Thundercats, G.I. Joe.... Ah, It's been too long... Well, back to the movie - the Foot Clan're getting their asses handed to them... it's beautiful. :-P

Bob Dylan concert!!!!!

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 00:43:50 GMT

Yep, saw Bob with Christen. It was ... awesome. The man just mumbles when he talks - see pretty much any video on youtube. Yeah. He was gorgeous. Mmmm... Wish I could see Tom Petty... Can't wait to see Manson next month. Aw yeah.

Got the Pets expansion pack for the sims2 so... gonna go do that now! XD

AW YEAH (aka hockey)

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 20:39:44 GMT

Was I right or was I right? Did I not say they are ROCKIN??? Well, They tore up the ice, AGAIN, this time Homer was that star, getting his 2nd career hat trick! Wee! Another fantastic game to watch, just beautiful to behold - man, when they have it together, there's nothing else that compares... Mmmm... Well, I gotta get to work so... I'll leave with another pick of my favorite line :

A post! OMGWTF?!

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 19:49:06 GMT

Yeah yeah, didn't see a reason to post here for the longest time cause I rarely get comments... but after people asking me to post anyway and realizing that I like talking to myself, I figured what the hell, why not. Also, been house sitting all this week and didn't think about it til last night when we were checking out our old LJ haunts and whatnot...

So Cassie, Josh & I just got hardcore into Scrubs... we've been following it for years, but never consistently... but after a bad week and then a day of just watching a ton of it we went out & bought the 1st season on DVD and proceeded to watch it in one sitting... I love Dr.Cox, and consistenly he's everyone's favorite. I LOVE characters like him... putting on a show to keep people at bay cause he can't deal with real relationships... Mmmmm ...

Anyway... The Detroit Red Wings have been on and off all season, but thank the GODS Babcock woke up and put Hank & Peppy on a line together again, they & Homer have been tearing it up like CRAZY... Speaking of, I just got to watch the game from Tuesday, and DAMN *fans self* it looked like the old Wings... you know, puck possession, pinpoint passing, mindboggling maneuvering/fancy skating, INSANELY gorgeous team efforts (especially by the Zetterberg/Datsyuk/Holmstrom line) - there were even some losers leveled by Malts :-D It was breathtaking, I had to pause the tape at one point to laugh because I was getting too excited XD

In other news Christen and I finally got another couple of vids made for Stunned Paul... we're getting our forms back as well as developing new skills. We opened a new Youtube just for our SPP vids, and have started posting to our SPP LJ again... Alas, this is only the GOOD news... But as I am repressing the bad as of forever, we'll just stick to the fun :-D

NIN! and ...stuff?

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 01:59:14 GMT

Mmmmmm I got to see Lauren and NIN recently, and it was too cool for words really. Christen and I went with her co worker Stephanie - she was a lot of fun. I hope we get to hang out again soon :-) Since the concert I have been re watching all the NIN and Manson videos - I looooovessss them. This one is really cool because Trent's singing his 'Manson' song and ... LOL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWDbuPJBMZY&mode=related&search=

And my Sims 2 families are growing - Jack from Stargate wants 10 children - arg LOL I'm up to 6 I think.
Kristall came over and I showed her my new computer and therefore my Sims... We ended up spending near 6 hours on it - the time just flew. We also watched a bunch of Manson and NIN music videos and drooled/loveded.
Michael and his gf are playing their Sim versions in my Sims 2 game right now...
Wow, I'm really uninspired ... I guess I'll update later.

YAY! and Stupid jerks AKA Happy and Sad

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 19:21:32 GMT

I never got around to that fic I wanted to write... maybe I'll get around to it later. I was distracted by Cassie & Josh buying me a computer XD http://www.dell.com/content/products/productdetails.aspx/xpsdt_400?c=us&cs=19&l=en&s=dhs

And I have to rant a bit:
On YouTube, Christen posted my Tribute to John Lennon music video - and people were actually telling ME they thought it SHOULD HAVE BEEN to a Lennon song instead of the song I chose ( "October" by Evanescence - the lyrics fit my feelings, and I thought the title was fitting). So, I'm really irritated, because YouTube won't let me post comments or do anything really. Arg. I want to tell them I used that song because it was supposed to be from the point of view of the people that loved John, the people that regret mistreating him, and how devastated they are that he's gone. *sigh*

Update cause I'm avoiding writing this story...

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 23:31:41 GMT

Update cause I'm avoiding writing a fanfic I don't know how to start or where to go with. Basically all I have is a plot... A sketchy plot. Anyway... Lack of comments has made me not so eager to update. Saw Ringo on Friday, but things went wrong and it turned out to not be as fun as we'd hoped. It was still priceless sharing the air with him, seeing him walk around and be silly. I'm hoping I get a PC soon so I can join my friends in the online gamingness, because KH is going nowhere and I've seen every movie/series in this house. Heck, even my music is getting to be too much. I can only have so many songs on this comp because of the limited memory, and have yet to get my HD up and running. I miss having every Beatles song (both group and solo) ever in order to listen to... I love the songs I have, but I've listened to the same ones over & over for too long. Just getting one new song makes me freakishly happy. Gods I need me a new computer. Don't get me wrong, I love to read, but I'm a visual/kinetic person, I need to be seeing and doing many things at once, and I have to be in the right mood to read. Right now I feel kind of blah... I want to write this story, but I don't know what to do with it. Who's POV it is, what to open it with, where it will go, what will happen overall... I know the ending, and have ideas about what happens now and then, but I dunno... We'll see I guess.

Christen and I went to see Ringo with Jesse and Amber, which was sweet because they're both fun, mellow and interesting. I really enjoy spending time with them, I hope I get to more often.
Stu is staring at me from his tank, and I feel bad that I have yet to get him a new decoration. I have my eye on one at PNT, but I never have the money for it when I'm there. Gah.
Zimba, Zaire and Yuki are all over my room, they're apparently happy I'm home after being gone on and off all week. We're thinking of making Zaire wear diapers because he keeps making a mess in this one spot in the dining room. Why can't he just be good for me? Jim looks great - when I bought him he had 3 leaves - now he has the magical number 9. XD I;m surprised Teal'c hasn't asked for food yet today, usually he's hungry by now, but he's being extremely lazy...
I want more Beatles posters. I have one from pretty much every era right now... I really want the Beatles For Sale poster, I just love how it looks... And the one where they're standing in front of the blue wall. Mmmm. Ah well, have to wait on those. Computer comes first.
Speaking of computer I GUESS I should start on that fic... Or try to anyway. Ta.

Beatles fan fic writers that don't know JACK

peppy200213@yahoo.com — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 08:13:56 GMT

Ok people, When using Paul's nickname for Ringo, it is spelled R-I-C-H-I-E . Not R-I-T-C-H-I-E ! There is no 't' in Richard OK????? Therefore, in the nickname, or, shortened version, there is also no 't'!!! Richie! Rich! See??? GAI!